This morning I was listening to the daily devotion on the radio (a really cool feature for a top 40 station to have btw... only in the south) and I felt like the preacher was talking directly to me. He might as well have started his talk with "I wrote this specifically because you need to hear it, Bekkah".
He was discussing how, in life, we really have two things we need to find joy in to be able to enjoy our lives fully - our loved ones and our daily routine. If we can love what we do and love the people around us, then it stands to reason that we will be happy with our lives. He also said that if you are in a place where you are not happy with either one of those things, you need to seriously think about what you can do to improve the situation.
This led to quite a bit of introspection on my part.
It's no secret that I hate my job. If you asked me to name something positive about it I might be able to think of something if you gave me a while and caught me on a good day... but probably not. Just the thought of coming in to the office puts me in a bad mood. This is no way to live. Nobody wants to be miserable for 10 hours per day (yes, I said 10 hours... the hour commute each way and then 8 hours at a desk. ew).
Luckily, this particular position is ending in a few weeks and I have the opportunity to make some changes. However, just what those changes will entail, I wasn't sure... until today. I've finally made up my mind.
Steve and I have thrown around quite a few scenarios, but we keep coming back to the idea of me going back to working only part time and attending school full time. I've been resisting because it feels like a step back. I've been applying the "If you're going through hell, keep going" mentality to my situation, so the idea of throwing it all out the window and starting over made me sick to my stomach. This morning the lightbulb came on though. I'm beginning to see that the part time option isn't a step back, it's like hitting the shortcut bridge in Candyland.... I get to skip over the swamp and get closer to the candy castle.
I want to be a teacher. It's taken me a long time to finally make up my mind, but I really want to teach high school English. I've known this for months. I'll be amazing at it too. I don't want to trudge through years of jobs that I hate and pick my way through school on the side to get there. I have the opportunity to make school a top priority again. I need to take it.
So, a decision has been made. Once this job is over, I'm going to rock the student life again... minus the sorority shenanigans, plus a husband. It may not be glamorous and it may not be where I thought I would be after a year of marriage, but it will be the direction of my dreams. I will go confidently in that direction and eventually find the life I've always imagined. Thoreau would be proud. :)
Thank you Rev. Creede Hinshaw for the incredibly helpful installment of "Morning by Morning".