Thursday, July 14, 2016

new beginnings and one sad goodbye

It has been an interesting week at our house.

We began the week with the death of Steve Jr, the dragon. It was actually quite a gruesome death and I'm glad I was the one to discover him rather than our son. M was a bit upset about the loss of his pet, but he seems to be coping okay.

There was also a debate as to what to do with poor dead Steve Jr. You see, our family offers a wide variety of pet memorial options. There is the family pet cemetery at my grandparents' home in New York, my parents' back yard in a newly designed pet cemetery, or a traditional backyard burial at our home.

Steve Jr. began to smell quite quickly so we went with the fastest option. I feel a little guilty about that. Human Steve thinks I'm nuts for feeling guilty that the dragon's funeral wasn't more fancy.

Anyway... it wasn't all doom and gloom around here.

The kids are now both registered for school! They will be attending the school where I will be teaching this year. My NEW school in my NEW district! I've met a bunch of my coworkers and they are AWESOME! I know Y and M are going to love it there.

We went by the school today to drop off some paperwork and we checked out the playground. It. Is. Incredible. Seriously, there is a musical section with outdoor xylophones and this wheel that makes sounds like those rain sticks everybody created at summer camp.

There are also two outdoor classroom spaces with chalkboards and three more class meeting spaces without boards. A full basketball court. A huge field with soccer goals. A traditional play structure. And my personal favorite, SWINGS!

It's the playground of my dreams. Y and M loved it, too.

This week we also signed the kids up for RCIC - the Rite of Christian Initiation for Children.

Since both of our kids are older than the age of reason, they will be going through a special program at church designed to help them complete the steps necessary to receive their sacraments. It's very similar to RCIA (the program Steve and I went through when we entered the church in 2013), just geared toward children.

The kids will attend classes at church after Mass on Sundays throughout the school year and then receive their sacraments at the Easter Vigil service. They will be baptized, receive their first holy communion, and be confirmed all in one night!

And they are actually pretty excited about it. At least, they are acting excited.

I don't know if I'll ever get used to this new normal we have created around here, but I am so grateful for this life I get to live and these kids I get to parent. It's exhausting and thrilling and never boring.

Sunday, July 10, 2016

let's have a chat about poetry

There is a poem that's really popular in adoption gifts and cards. It's like someone once declared it the official poem of adoption related things and everyone just ran with it. The poem goes like this:

Not flesh of my flesh
Nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart,
But in it.

It's cute and clearly meant to be sweet.

And I hate it.

Not the first two lines. Those are just stating fact. The third line is okay, too, I guess. Those last three lines are pure garbage though.

My kids are not biologically related to me. Steve and I are adopting children that, until June 4th, 2016 around 10am, were complete strangers to us. They were conceived, carried, and born to a woman I will very likely never meet.

My heart had nothing to do with the process.

My hope to one day have children was definitely growing in my heart at that time, but these specific children (or any children for that matter) were not.

I think my reaction to this poem is, at its root, a reaction to comments I have received and attitudes I have discovered about adoption among the people I know. Not the inner circle, but coworkers and other acquaintances. It's as if they think being adopted somehow erases all the traumas my kids have experienced to get to this point in their lives. That it takes away the pain Steve and I went through to get here. Or that it doesn't involve awkwardness or struggle now that the kids are here.

The truth is, adoption from foster care has no business being involved in cutesy poems. All four of us in this new family have fought tooth and nail to get here, to not give up on the hope of a life we wanted, to not let pain and bitterness steal our future or our joy. The kids even more so than Steve and I.

Even now as we adjust to life together as a family, there are struggles to be overcome. There are rough edges to be smoothed. There are old wounds needing mending. There is awkwardness.

I won't speak for all adoptions. Just ours. But for me and my family, this kind of poem does us and our journey no justice.

Wednesday, July 6, 2016

New levels of crazy

Life with the kiddos has been pretty great!

By great I mean we have loved getting to know them and helping them get to know us. We haven't had any major issues and we are getting at least a little sleep.

Everybody told me that you get no sleep as a parent and I naively believed that was only parents of babies and toddlers.

Nope.

#allparents

My kids are 11 and 9 and, by some quirk of nature, I can not fall asleep unless I know they are asleep. And I wake up no later than 7am. If the kids haven't gotten up and knocked on the door for breakfast by then I'm still awake. Usually checking on them to make sure they're ok.

This weekend that meant I was up until 12:30am comforting them during the fireworks and then awake again at 6am because they were hungry and wanted me to cook breakfast.

Please don't misunderstand me. I am not complaining at all. Not even a little bit.

I am simply in awe of how much my life has changed in the span of one month.

That's how long I've known these kids. One month and two days.

On friday they move in permanently. All of their stuff will be here (including Steve, the bearded dragon belonging to my son) and we will finally stop the endless shuffle back and forth between foster homes and forever home.

Monday, July 11th, we sign the temporary custody paperwork.

That also happens to be our 7th wedding anniversary. Fried chicken and lemon cake for everybody! lol

Seriously though... someone pinch me. I can't even comprehend the blessings I've been given lately. My heart is so incredibly full it's bursting.