Saturday, October 15, 2016

pieces are clicking into place

Monday we saw both caseworkers and the kids' CASA. Plus their therapist. It was a super busy day, but also a really positive day since we got some great news.

Our finalization has been moved up!

Instead of waiting until after Christmas like we initially thought, it looks like e will get to finalize shortly after Thanksgiving! No specific dates have been decided upon yet, but November 8th is when we petition and we have been told that there has been approximately a two week turn around lately.

The tentative date range is the week after Thanksgiving.

I am overjoyed and suddenly very aware of how little time that truly is. I have so much to do to get everyone (and our house) ready for such an awesome event! We need nice, cool weather appropriate, clothes for court. I need to figure out what decorations we will have in our home for the finalization party we will host. Not to mention begin creating a guest list and alert family members to the change so they can plan accordingly.

My principal has been amazing and has already promised to help me work out time off issues if the dates fall during school time (since I was planning on the event happening during a school break). The woman is so incredibly supportive. I love her for it.

Some may think it silly, but I booked a photographer for the actual finalization in court. I want pictures from that day. Good quality pictures with all of us in them. Some candid moments we didn't realize were happening. Moments you can't catch on an iPhone during court proceedings.

Through all of the excitement and rush to plan, I find myself reflecting on the timing of this incredible event. It will be during Advent. A time of the year when even the most cynical people take a step back and let the world believe in magic. A time when people believe in miracles. How fitting that the greatest miracle of my life would occur during a time like that.


Saturday, October 1, 2016

Virecit vulnere virtus



My family heritage can be traced back to Clan Stewart, a group which originated in the Scottish Highlands and has an absolutely beautiful tartan.

The picture above is the clan crest. It depicts a pelican piercing her own breast to feed her young... an image from an old Scottish folktale... and the inspiration for the clan motto seen in Latin around the image. It translates to "Courage grows strong at a wound".

I have never identified with that mama pelican more than I have in the last few months.

I have never fully understood this motto more until we met our children a few months ago.

September 2016 has been a month of enormous personal growth for me. At the beginning of the month it felt like the hits would never stop coming. In the middle of the month I thought the confusion and pain would beat me and I would lose everything.  Now, at the end of the month, I am grateful for the fight because it strengthened me.

It showed me how tough I am. And it showed me that my strength comes from a deep reservoir of love and courage I never knew ran that deep. It comes from seeing myself in a dark place and recognizing how I have conquered that particular demon before.

It comes from trusting in the gifts God has given me.

This week in kindergarten was different. I stopped doing it the way my team recommended and started doing it the way that felt right to me. Far less paper and much more movement. More spontaneous songs. More teamwork. And you know what? The kids were different.

Nobody had to go see the principal. Nobody threw fits. Nobody went home crying... not even me.

I'm still figuring out the mom thing, but I know how to be a teacher. I know how to be a good one. And I suspect that the two are more closely related than I realize.

I have to follow my instincts. I have to trust myself.

And I have to have courage.

The pain I've been though has gifted me that and I refuse to squander it.