Tomorrow is the first day of pre-planning and I am really really ridiculously excited about going back to school. I know I've mentioned that this semester I will be in the classroom Monday through Friday and building up to two weeks of full time instruction. It's kind of a big deal. The biggest deal, really. It's the very thing I have been simultaneously looking forward to and running from since 7th grade.
When class assignments first came out I was excited to see that I would be working with 4th graders. You even got a sneak peek at my budding library. I hadn't received my room assignment or teacher yet, but I ws looking forward to it just the same. However, I'm no longer looking forward to student teaching in 4th grade.... because I will actually be student teaching in 1st grade!
That's right, I was moved to 1st grade within the same school. As much as I was looking forward to trying out my teaching style with the older kids, I am thrilled to get the chance to work with the little ones again. I have a TON of ideas for lessons and classroom management. It's going to be amazing.
Over the last week I have felt a lot of those old fears coming on. It's hard to shake those feelings when you let them rule you for so long and they tend to come up at the exact moment you would be the most vulnerable.I won't even go into specifics about how I was feeling because it's the same "I'm not worthy" crap it's always been. Thankfully, I was better prepared this time. I thought of the wonderful things my former cooperating teachers have had to say, all of the high marks I have earned in my classes, the teaching and management techniques I introduced that are still being utilized, and the biggest positive motivator of all.... I think of that gut feeling I got while spending the day with those kiddos in Mexico.
No matter how terrified I get, I can always come back to that feeling and those memories to remind myself that I was made for this. Teaching is exactly what I was meant to do with my life and I can't wait to actually get in the classroom and be who I am supposed to be!