No, really. I have some very strong emotions right now and I'm dealing with them in some new and interesting ways.
First, MAJOR EXCITEMENT over the fact that we have been assigned a caseworker! It took longer than I had hoped, but it happened. Not only were we assigned a caseworker, but we have already scheduled our first meeting with her!
It's on Tuesday morning....
Which brings us to the next emotion... PANIC! Is my house clean enough? Does our wall art make us look like self-involved jerks with no parenting skills? Should I give each room a fresh coat of paint? Should we have the kids' rooms all set up? How much clutter says "lived in but not a secret slob"? If I pull the fresh-baked cookies trick is she going to think I'm trying to manipulate her?
The questions are as numerous as they are ridiculous.
The excitement and panic like to team up and create this awesome sense of restlessness. You know how you feel when you've had three cups of coffee in an hour and if you sit still too long you literally shake? That's me right now - sans caffeine.
I spent the last two days scrubbing my house from top to bottom. As in, removing the screws on the bottom of my freezer to clean every inch of the appliance. As in making Steve go to the store for his weight in vinegar and baking soda to wash the patio stones. As in lint rolling every lampshade in the house.
You can say it... I've gone a touch insane. I'm aware of this.
Among the chaos in my head lately it's hard to believe there are non-crazy emotions happening too. I'm relieved that the ball is finally moving. I'm hopeful for 2016 and the possibility that I may finally become a mama next year. I'm grateful to God for bringing us this far. I'm shocked at how much love and support Steve and I have received over this adoption process.