There were bagpipes at Mass this morning. A legitimate bagpipe player in a full dress kilt played for the recessional and I couldn't help but tear up. It was the most amazing and beautiful end to an incredibly moving Mass.
I honestly have no idea whether the other parishioners were as impacted as me during the service today because I was in my own little world. I was having one of those experiences where you feel like God has come into the building specifically to talk to you.
You see, I've been hiding at home for a few weeks and avoiding Mass. I was ashamed to go there and interect with God because of the way I was feeling about work. I feel very strongly that I am teaching, and teaching where I am, because God purposefully lead me there. I see it as a calling and a type of mission work. All of these issues I have been having at work have left me feeling like I have let God down, like I'm not working hard enough to do what he has asked of me.
Today's Mass reminded me that God never asked me to do this work in my own power. He asked me there so he could use me, not so that I could do something spectacular on my own power. In staying away I was effectively cutting myself off from the very strength I needed in order to do what needs to be done.
I left church this afternoon feeling more free and light than I have in weeks. I feel ready to tackle this week ahead. I feel renewed in my dedication to serving these kids that have been placed in my care and ready to get back to the kind of teaching I'm proud of. Most of all, I am reminded that I am not alone and that this struggle has a specific purpose.